Love is a Many Splintered Thing

I keep trying to define “love.”

(And of course, in the process, getting this song stuck in my head.)

Now that I find myself in what I know and trust to be a healthy, happy, mutually reciprocal kind of love and relationship, it dawned on me that maybe I never really knew what love was supposed to look like before. Maybe my idea of love was informed by movies, or TV, or my imagination, or how (and by/with whom) I was raised. Or, maybe love gets defined by each person individually, and that definition changes based on what’s available at the time? I don’t know. Read More »


Do you tell yourself the truth?

I’ve written before about how anxiety is a jerk and a liar. Depression is a liar. And the problem with those VERY REAL mental health disorders is that, often, it can be impossible to step far enough outside the experiencing of those issues to identify that’s what is happening, and that what those things are telling you isn’t true or real.

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What Manipulation Looks Like

Have you ever just suddenly realized you were being manipulated? Or that a person was in the process of making an attempt? (insert *YOU TRIED* gold star here)

Have you ever taken the time to marvel over all the ways human beings attempt to manipulate others, to control the behavior of other people, just to get what they want? I mean, it’s really impressive, when you think about it. Of course, it’s also depressing and scary and makes me wish for the end of the species sometimes, but most of the time, it’s just astonishing. Especially when they don’t even realize they’re doing it. They might use tears, or anger, or threats, or guilt, or silence… and if you ask them, it’s all justified.

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What do you do with your feelings?

I eat mine. Apparently.

That’s a pretty simplistic take on it, and I know that. But it’s not the usual obvious sort of thing where, you know, you get upset about something, or you have a hard day, and then that night you decide to have ice cream for dinner or something. An isolated response to an isolated incident. I’ve been noticing my addict-style behavior around food; recognizing that it isn’t normal, or healthy, is what’s got me here, writing about it. Read More »

Lies My Anxiety Told Me

I took a much-needed self-care “sick” day today. I’ve had low-grade anxiety for a week now, courtesy of a situation that, while it doesn’t involve me directly, has me feeling all kinds of ways. I got up today after yet another restless night’s sleep feeling on the verge of a panic attack, so… self-care day, it is.

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Brains and Behaviors

I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of “emotional eating” and how, for me, I think that’s an actual thing. But more than that, it’s a subconscious emotionally and chemically-driven behavior, so it’s not like in the midst of a come-apart, I go to the kitchen and start shoving food in my face. Instead, I think my brain is on autopilot where food and comfort are concerned, and I’m trying to figure out how to interrupt that when it happens – because it happens a lot, in all kinds of circumstances.

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Abstinence: The Absence of Good and Common Sense (and the presence of fear)

Just say no to drugs. (Nancy Reagan in the 1980’s; Trump, present day) This will stop any and all deaths or suffering from drugs, if people just… didn’t do them. I mean, if people didn’t do them, there wouldn’t be a market for them, so all the criminals would stop being bad people, too, right? Don’t take any prescriptions, whether they’re legitimate or not. Don’t drink any kind of alcohol, even though it’s legal, because it will lead to other bad things (like SEX). Don’t even think about smoking weed, even if you’re hoping to use it for chronic (heh) pain management. It’s just SO SIMPLE.

Also, no sex until after you’re married. (Abstinence-only education, 1981; Trump, present day) This will stop any and all unplanned pregnancies, the spread of STD’s, provocative/slutty behavior, rape, and any other bad thing that comes from having sex for any reason other than procreation. Who cares if you marry someone with whom you’re totally incompatible? AT LEAST YOU WAITED UNTIL YOU WERE LEGALLY BOUND TO THEM TO FIND OUT, amirite? Read More »

Problematic Sample Sizes.

As I’m reading Ijeoma Oluo’s fantastic new book, “So you want to talk about race,” one of the many, MANY thought-provoking points she made had to do with how we are all the sum of our lived experiences, which means we view life through our own life lens, so to speak. And because we’ve lived those experiences, then we know without a doubt they’re valid. Right?

But when someone is different than us – whether by way of race, gender identity, class, etc. – then chances are, the life experiences they’ve amassed are different as a result. As one of a million examples: a middle-class white woman is going to have a very different lived experience than a middle-class black woman in America; the white woman will never know what it’s like to be judged by/for the color of her skin, to miss out on jobs because of the sound of her name, to receive substandard health care or education, to be denied opportunity or to be assumed less-than or viewed as dangerous or whatever other harmful stereotypes exist.

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Attitude of platitude(s).

Last week, I caught myself asking the question, “How do you know when what you’re pursuing in life is the ‘right thing’ for you?” Like, when you decide you want something in life, whether it’s a new career, or a relationship, or you want some other significant shift in your existence to happen… because people will tell you that to get what you want in life, you have to work HARD for it. But then, you shouldn’t have to work TOO hard or else you’re forcing it and really it should probably just fall in your lap or come easy to you, right? And if you force it TOO much, then it’s probably not the right thing, and you may even be going against the universe’s plan (or G*d’s plan) for your life, which means it’s all going to turn out poorly anyway. Unless you just trust in the plan – even if you don’t know what it is – and know that it’ll all turn out THE WAY IT’S MEANT TO. *barf*Read More »